Laughter Where You Find It

Anyone who reads this blog knows I love laughter. (It’s even part of my name, Laugh2Learn.) You may also remember that I believe that there should be no invisible people (see my June 12, 2011 post) So last week while traveling in Oregon with my sister and brother-in-law, we ate at the Salty Dawg in Waldport. Our server was a wonderfully gregarious woman named Lorelei. She made us all laugh. At one point, she asked if we wanted anything else, and I told her if she would bring me a glass of water, I’d be so grateful I’d compose a poem for her. She promptly brought the water, and I ripped off a few lines of doggerel.

“I wrote a poem once,” said Lorelei.

With very little coaxing, and after reminding us that it was pretty outdated she recited:

 If Dreams Were But a Penny

 
If dreams were but a penny
what do i think I’d buy??
A night with Kevin Costner!!
Well. At least it’s worth a try.
If I can’t have Mr. Costner,
If he’s not within my reach.
Then let me have Sean Connery
with his sexy, broguish speech.
I cannot have Clint Eastwood
as already he is taken,
and Demi has got Bruce Willis
so that lust must be forsaken.
Since I cannot buy these men
for which i have the hots.
Then i shall take my penny
and make a purchase of Don Knotts!!!!!
 
Needless to say, we all got a very good laugh. I gave Lorelei my card, and asked her to email me the poem so I could post it on my blog.
 
So here’s to you Lorelei. Thank you for the wonderful time, the good food, and your poem.
 
And to the rest of you, take a moment to get to know those “invisible people” who serve your food. You will be richer for it, and you may even get a good poem and a great laugh.
 
And as for Don Knotts, you will never know what you missed!
 
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Be true to your school

My son Glenn just called me with a joke that is too good not to pass on. It’s a college fan joke and could apply to any rivalry, but I’m a University of Kansas fan and grad, so I’m going to tell it from my perspective.

Young Marvin went to his fourth grade class wearing KU attire.

“Are you a KU fan?” His teacher asked him.”

“Yes.”

“Why are you a KU fan?”

“Because my parents are KU fans”

“What would you do if your parents were drug dealers and hookers?”

“Then I’d be a Mizzou fan!”

Oh my!

Punformation!

I’m sure that both of my regular readers know I’m a big fan of the pun, and several weeks ago I started a series of pun based shaggy dog stories. I called it a pun a day, or something like that. If anyone liked it, they didn’t say so, and I discontinued it. But last week, Mike Hall, of the Topeka Capitol Journal published a column filled with one line puns. I loved them. All of them, and for your edification, I’m posting them here along with a link (above) to Mr. Hall’s column.

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

■ I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me.

■ To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

■ When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

■ A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

■ When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

■ The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

■ The batteries were given out free of charge.

■ A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

■ A will is a dead giveaway.

■ If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

■ With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

■ Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

■ You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

■ Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

■ A boiled egg is hard to beat.

■ When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

■ Police were called to a day care where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

■ If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

■ A bicycle can’t stand alone. It is two tired.

■ In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

■ When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

■ The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

And for good measure, here are a couple I’d like to add:

  • Protect your right to bare arms. Wear a sleeveless blouse.
  • Corduroy pillows: They’re making head lines.

Oh my yes!

Happy New Year

Howdy,

Thank all of you who have followed my posts this year and made suggestions. Here is a New Year’s wish for everyone.

Best always,

Marv

Tuesday’s pun

Busy, busy, busy this week, but not too busy to punish you.

Pavel was from the Czech republic. He and his Polish friend, Zoltan considered themselves great hunters, although their exploits were pretty much limited to rabbits and squirrels. They had always dreamed of bigger game, so when Pavel came into a small inheritance, he invited his friend to go hunting for grizzlies in Canada. They went to Whitehorse, Yukon Territories, rented gear and set off. When they didn’t return at the scheduled time, a search party set out to find them. They found their camp in total disarray, and there were tracks from a male and female grizzly. After a search, they shot and killed a female grizzly, cut her open and sure enough, found what was left of Zoltan. “Well,” Said the leader of the search party, “I think we can be sure of one thing. The Czech is in the Male.”

Pun of the day and more giggling girls.

Wow! yesterday’s post set a new record for me. Thanks to Sue Levine Kupcinet, and Kent Wingerson, for reposting.  If you haven’t read yesterday’s post I urge you to do so. In my opinion it contains words of wisdom that we all need to hear.

Now for today: First the pun: There once was a man who had a persistent hacking cough. After visiting every doctor in town, at the advice of a friend he visited the old voodoo woman deep in the swamp. She gave him a mouldy leather strap, told him to cut off an inch of it every day, chew it up and swallow it and when the strap had been fully consumed he would be cured. Reluctantly he did as told, but to no effect. He returned to the voodoo woman and shouted. “The thong has ended but the malady lingers on!”

Now for the giggling girls. Last week, when I introduced the “Dr. Know-it-all” game, I illustrated it by showing some video of me and two of my granddaughters playing it. The video I posted was not our first effort. As a matter of fact, we had at least a dozen false starts. Unfortunately I stupidly erased most of them, but for your enjoyment here are three that didn’t make the cut. Enjoy the giggles, but remember the purpose of the post is to teach you a fun game to play with your family and co-workers.

Play Fair. (And pun of the day)

Once in Africa there lived a king who was extremely popular with his people. One year on his birthday they gave him a gilded, ivory throne. The king loved it but didn’t know what to do with his old throne, so he just put it in the attic. One day while he was sitting on his new throne, the old throne fell through the attic and killed him.

The moral to the story: People who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.

Does it seem fair to you that if the king hadn’t been a good king he wouldn’t have gotten a new throne and might still be alive?

OK That’s a stretch, but I want to talk about fairness.

As I watch my grandchildren play, one of the most often heard phrases is “That’s not fair!” All children seem at first blush to be obsessed with fairness, until you observe more closely and discover that when a child benefits from an unfair distribution, there is never any complaint.

Adults are very much like that. No one complains when good things happen to them, but get sick, lose a job, end a relationship and it’s “Why me?” and “It’s not fair.”

(Kris Kristofferson wrote a song pointing this out.)

The bottom line, of course, is that life isn’t fair. You can’t possibly think that all of the victims of natural disasters somehow deserved what happened to them. Or that the fortunate are somehow deserving and the not so fortunate deserving of their misfortune.  “The rain falls on the just and the unjust.” Life simply is not fair. The question then is why so many of us are surprised when we discover this truth. After giving this much thought, I have concluded it’s because while we are growing up, our parents urge us to be fair, and play fair. Somehow we get the idea that fair is the norm.

So what are we to do? My suggestion is to be fair. If everyone tried to be fair to others, rather than complaining when they are treated unfairly, we wouldn’t make life fair, but we would at least reduce the unfairness in the world and, I suggest, be much happier.

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